But it can also be a tactic in emotionally abusive relationships. Would love your thoughts, please comment. The Silent Treatment: A Narcissist’s Trick of the Trade of Emotional Abuse By Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW If you have encountered a narcissist in love, work or family, then you surely have experienced the dreaded silent treatment, a tactic used by psychological abusers (including extreme narcissists) to hold power and control in their relationships. So here are three steps you can undertake to encourage … Their marriage was, on the whole, a happy marriage until one day they had an argument right before going to bed. The silent treatment of a narcissist is almost like a self defense mechanism. 4. The silent treatment is a favourite tool of the narcissist. It is perfectly normal, for a target of this form of abuse, to reach out in an attempt to resolve the situation. The narcissist will express their disapproval by shutting down, withdrawing any love or affection, refusing to communicate and denying their target any explanation. If you have a narcissist in your life, you may have already seen how he/she uses silent treatment on people to achieve the things they want. It may seem weird but even if the narcissist is at fault and has been confronted for the same, the silent treatment may be imposed for the victim to feel reprimanded or uncomfortable as a form of punishment. There are many reasons why a person may grow up to become a narcissist, in which dysfunctional families and several psychological factors play an integral role. The Narcissist Silent Treatment is a tactic often used by narcissists. Narcissists and silent treatment almost go hand-in-hand. If you’re dating or are in a long-distance relationship and you’re being given the silent treatment, stop writing, texting or calling right away! “In relationships, stonewalling is the emotional equivalent to cutting off someone’s oxygen. In the first place, you are not required to play into the mal-adaptive behaviors of any person with a personality disorder. 2. 6. What these people do not anticipate is your knowledge of their twisted mind games. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what you’ve done wrong. You deserve better. For many of us, we find ways to resolve conflict or share things, but as for the narcissist’s silent treatment, it’s created to retain power, pure and simple. The silent treatment is a common punishment in many relationships. Fear not! One of the most common ways to do so is to bring in the silent treatment. Don’t play into their hands. // comments all comments on healingdaybyday channel are held back for review and moderated!!!! A narcissist can disappear for days, weeks or even months. The Motivation for Narcissistic Abuse Remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and abuse exist on a continuum, ranging from silence to violence. Thus we let you text, ring, drop notes round, send messages through friends and knock at our door. For narcissists, the silent treatment is a form of manipulation. We are social creatures by nature and our brains are designed to crave human approval and … A narcissist will react to any perceived slight, real or imagined with any punishment that they deem fits your crime, the silent treatment being a favourite in their arsenal. When a narcissist feels that his or her importance is being diluted, their control is being challenged or they are not being the most rewarded one i… Silent treatment is actually classified as a common form of emotional abuse, most likely to be deployed by a narcissist. There is nothing and no one more important than them and thus a narcissist will always remain aloof from the emotional investment that the other person may indulge in. Few are even capable of refusing to revert at all for years when they decide they have nothing to do with the significant other. How To Respond To Narcissistic Silent Treatment. I’m sick and tired of this abusive cycle. Peter and Jane had been married for three years and had a one-year-old baby boy. Take care of yourself. It is manifested by one partner who completely ignores the other: going through their typical day as if the other person were invisible or absent, even if they are standing right in front of them or talking to them. The silent treatment is a type of passive-aggressive behavior, a form of non-verbal aggression that shows up in negative behavior, according to Andrea Harrn, counselor and psychotherapist 4. Consider professional therapy. When you login first time using a Social Login button, we collect your account public profile information shared by Social Login provider, based on your privacy settings. It can be very painful if you have a narcissist in your life who constantly tramples on your feelings. Response to the silent treatment They know that silence is an effective way to emotionally manipulate someone, maybe because they’ve been victims of emotional manipulation themselves. As with most narcissistic behaviours, the litmus test you can apply in pinpointing the difference between No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting, is intention. In fact, the silent treatment is the narcissist’s favorite weapon. How to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., CRNP The silent treatment is sometimes just a sign of poor communication skills. But if you are using the silent treatment back on your partner who is trying to use it as a weapon on you, then silent treatment is actually beneficial to you. If you have encountered a narcissist in love, work or family, then you surely have experienced the dreaded silent treatment, a tactic used by psychological abusers (including extreme narcissists) to hold power and control in their relationships. Let this deadly silence teach you that you can carry on without them. When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. Right before the narcissist uses the silent treatment, they will usually resort toonly short statementsas answers to your questions. The silent treatment is a common pattern of conflict for committed, romantic couples, and it can be damaging if left unaddressed. However, at no time will they explain their actions because the goal is to get you to apologize first and offer subservience to get back into their good graces. If a victim or abused person is aware of such weaknesses then those can be explored and used to break the silent treatment but else, coaxing or urging, requesting or even pleading apologetically will not help. Using words (or lack thereof) as a weapon against others is unfair. Should the person refuse, schedule appointments for yourself anyway. Some have argued that the silent treatment is more abusive than physical harm as it can be more appropriately thought of as a form of torture. Narcissism cannot be imbibed or induced. 1. The narcissistic silent treatment is very difficult to bear, especially in relationships that are relatively old or have progressed through the initial phases of dating. They don’t expect you to know how to play these mind games better than they can. Instead of direct aggression, the silent treatment is passive aggressive. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. Jane wanted to get the scratch fixed as soon as possible. Here are a few things to say if you get fed up with the narcissist in your life. Dig deep into the reasons for the silent treatment. When you’re with a narcissist, you’re typically in limbo where either you leave and then they draw you back in once again, or they give you a silent treatment or discard you, leaving you baffled over what has just taken place, often only to return after a period of … All people have weaknesses and so do narcissists. Psychologists claim that a romantic relationship with a narcissist is actually based on a lie. Avoid challenging a narcissist's opinion or point of view. A narcissist wants the target of their abuse, and be in no doubt their silence is abuse, to reach out, plead and beg for their very existence to be recognised. Peter came home from work to discover a large scratch on the side of the car. It is purely the narcissist’s perspective and how they perceive a situation. Your phone calls will likely go to voicemail, your texts or emails will be ignored. The silent treatment is pretty similar to a bad breakup. They are playing a game with you and trying to manipulate you. Instead of loud it is quiet. But what if you could take away all the power & pain from the dreaded “Silent Treatment”? One sniff of blood in the form of any weak or emotional response to the silent treatment and the narcissist will go for the kill. It is a passive-aggressive approach to manipulate you into giving them the Narcissistic Supply that they crave. It's all about them, all the time, they never think of others. This one is HUGE. Even if we know, without a doubt, that the narcissist was in the wrong, we take on the responsibility for their going silent on us. Narcissism is a personality disorder that stems from a persons psyche. There are many reasons why a person may grow up to become a narcissist, in which dysfunctional families and several psychological factors play an integral role. Doing so leads them to become frustrated or angry. When they are threatened, according to their psyche, to a compromise or a situation that they don’t want to be in, they will play their cards and want the other person to retrace their steps. Unfortunately, it is difficult to counter the silent treatment without opting for intervention for the narcissist in the first place. It has been observed in most cases that the silent treatment is meted out to a victim when there is actually no fault on his or her part. This silent treatment can be harrowing and painful for the person being abused. Instead of crawling back to them, let them crawl back into whatever hole they have created for themselves and give them a taste of their own medicine. Find the root of the problem. It is important to break this communication pattern, and there are constructive ways to respond and, hopefully, find a way to move forward that both of you can agree on.